A LESSON IN HUMILIATION

On a freezing day in January, I found out that no matter how much I let go of my ego, it slowly starts to seep back in. I was going to run the Deleon Half Marathon. I had not put in the training, the record cold temperatures here in Florida had kept me indoors (and I can't stand the treadmill).

So I found myself ill-prepared on race day. My lack in recent mileage was no big deal (ego talking). After all, last year I placed 3rd in my age group even after running a half-marathon the day before(ego). I'm sure that most people run faster when it's cold, but not me, I'll take an 80 degree beach run any day.

I arrived at the race layered out with 2 pairs of yoga pants, sweat pants, tank top, long-sleeve shirt and a jacket. The only layer that I took off before the race was the sweat pants.

I got there at 7:30, just enough time to pick up my packet and hit the restroom. This was a small race that usually attracted 100-200 runners for the 5K and Half Marathon. While standing in line waiting for the restroom, I overheard some people saying they only registered for the 5K. What Wimps! (ego) I would never go out in the cold just to run a 5K. Then I spotted the three portable potties and rushed over there. I couldn't believe that the other runners would rather stand in line than use the portable toilets. At the Chicago Marathon, we peed in the streets! (sorry Chicago). So I must not be among real runners (ego). The ego is obvious in my story so far right? Yeah, it gets worse.

It was time to start the race. The 5K and the Half Marathon both started at 8:00 a.m. and followed their perspective routes. It seemed like everyone took off at a fast pace. Any experienced runner knows not to do this. They would be sorry they started so fast, and would probably be walking as I passed them (ego). I started at a warm up pace, thinking that I would catch up later (ego). I usually run the second half of a race faster, this is called a negative split.

Soon the runners were spread out. I was alone and could barely see anyone in front of me, especially when the road turned. Oh well, I had an awesome playlist of 67 running songs, I would just enjoy myself....even if I had to listen to all the songs.

But as the race progressed, I began to feel that I was in trouble and would not even come close to my race time from last year. I still felt really cold, and could not yet begin to shed my clothes. You see, even though I don't like to run in cold weather, I also like to run in minimal clothing! I knew there was no way to get out of my yoga pants, but I planned to lose my jacket. I always pick up "throw away" clothes at the thrift store for these situations. But I didn't want to shed my jacket too soon, I decided that I would take off my jacket as soon as my toes warmed up.

The 5K runners had done their turn around and were headed back our way. One girl was pushing a double stroller and she was wearing a tank top and shorts. She had a golden tan and a sparkly smile. Since I think a lot when I'm running, I decided that I should make it my goal this year to smile more. I imagined myself arriving at work with a "happy face". Then I imagined everyone saying, "What are you so happy about?" or "What's that in your teeth?" So I decided to nix the idea and leave the smiling up to the beautiful young mother with the stroller.

Half Marathons and Marathons are sometimes "out and back", which means you run a route half the distance and turn around and come back on the same route. This brought the first place and elite runners passing us in the other lane. Creative race directors have avoided this monotony in some races by altering the path coming back. But sometimes if the start and finish are too far apart, runners generally park at the finish and have to take a shuttle to the starting line.

Several runners were in the lead and they gave me a "thumbs up" as they passed. The front runner had such good form, his chest out, and legs pumping at an evenly fast pace. I noticed that I was slumped over while running and straightened up and immediately was able to take in more oxygen and it seemed that my pace increased. The faster runners were still passing and some gave me the obligatory "good job" greeting. Uh-oh, that's like a pity compliment, saved for the fat girl at the end of the race.

I'm usually warmed up by mile 4 and can pick up the pace. This is my threshold where I loosen up and get into a consistent rhythm. But for some reason, I couldn't get my speed up. Now I saw no one in front of me, and I began to think that I was the last place runner. I couldn't hear anyone behind me and hadn't been passed by in a long time.

I've never been dead last in a race(ego). My Inner Athelete started to panic. Just when I reached the six mile

mark, I looked down and squealed when I saw a smashed armadillo in my path. Wow! That was probably an omen. Armadillos are nocturnal so it is strange to see one out during the day. But this poor guy didn't have any choice. One of the bummers about running is that you get close up views of road kill.

Finally my pace picked up and I started to see runners ahead of me. Yes! There was actually a whole pack of them. I did double time trying to catch up. When I got a little closer, I noticed that they were coming towards me...these were more runners on their way back!! That puts me at least thirty minutes behind them. We were told at the start of the race to stay on the left side of the road because the course was not closed to traffic. But apparently the runners wanted one more shot at the water stop on my left, they had all veered over into my lane. Just great! More obligatory "good job" greetings.

Still hoping that there were runners trailing behind me, I was close to the turn around, and I knew this is where I would find out my fate. I did the U Turn at the five cones and ...YES! it looked like there were some stragglers covering my tracks. But I have pretty bad eyesight and soon found out it was two people on bicycles.

The turnaround takes you through the Pioneer Settlement in Barberville. This would give me a blind spot and I was still holding out hope that maybe I had missed the stray runner as I was passing the old train station.

When I cleared the Settlement, it was a straight shot back to the finish. Ahah! There's the eighty-nine year old guy that I ran with last year! So I wasn't the last runner(ego)! Two girls running cadence followed him.

I only had six more miles to go, but I began to mentally beat myself up. This torture is usually planned out for the drive home from a race where I did not get a PR. In running, PR means a personal record and I always strive to beat my own time as many other runners do. So essentially I am just racing against myself. I began thinking it was unfair that I was not fast, unfair that my legs were short, and unfair that I didn't start running until my early thirties. My Inner Athlete was having none of it. "What about those yoga classes you missed?" I replied, "Shut Up And Dance" - (Walk the Moon).

I continued berating myself and thought about all the medals that I have displayed in my office and I began to feel like a fake. You see, everyone that runs a Half Marathon or a Marathon gets a medal. And I have plenty, no ego here, because I paid a good price to run in these races! The only awards I feel that I actually earned are the age-group medals that I collected over the years.

Marathons usually cost around $100 and up. Sometimes there is hotel cost involved, time off from work, etc.

I began to think of the Jekyll Island Inaugural Marathon I was going to run the following week. I looked so pathetic now, someone would probably call the race director and tell them I was a fake.

Trudging along at mile nine, I saw a squirrel smashed on the side of the road. This got me feeling sad again. I guess my Inner Athlete chose the next song - Nice Guys Finish Last - Green Day. The beat and the lyrics (I'm so fucking happy I could cry) perked me up and I picked up the pace. I began to see stick figures ahead of me. They weren't close, but they weren't running towards me either.

The last few miles flew by with great encouragement from 3 Doors Down - Kryptonite (If I go Crazy will you still call me Superman) and Justin Timberlake - Can't Stop the Feeling (I've got that sunshine in my pocket, Got that good soul in my feet). It made me wonder how the elite runners could stand to run without music. I'm sure they are running to the music in their head.

I never did catch up to the stick figures, but I did get close enough to see that they were two girls dressed alike and seemed pretty worn out but were giving each other encouragement. Well, have you guessed what song was playing when I ran across the finish line? Miranda Lambert - The Fastest Girl in Town.

After the race, I had a long talk with my Inner Athlete and learned a few things that might help others overcome their ego in sports:

*Just because I have 10 marathons under my belt does not mean I am always prepared for a race.

* Anything worth doing well takes practice. Practice everyday what you are good at, and keep practicing until you are great at it.

*Never believe the excuses in your head. If you can dream it, you can do it.

*You can't go far in a car without gas. Always plan your nutrition during training, pre-race, during runs, and post-race. Oh hell, eat right all the time!

*There will always be someone better than you (unless you are the best athlete in the world, then you are the best)

*Analyze your past mistakes and learn from them. Read at least one hour a day in what interests you and you will become an expert.

*Study the best in your field of interest. Find a mentor and worship her.

*Find 10 things a day to be grateful for and you will develop a mindset of gratitude.

Thanks for reading my blog!

"Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run" Bruce Springsteen

Coleen

Editor note: I did run the Jekyll Island Marathon the next weekend and left the ego at home. No break on the weather, and not even a PR. But I'm okay with that, and grateful that I have my health and the strength to run the distance and the opportunity to participate in such a great event.